So Many Thoughts, Such Little Time

As an over thinker I sometimes find it really hard not to focus on the things and people that make me upset. When I started trying to live a more positive life I thought the trick was to suppress all the negative thoughts I had but the more I tried the harder it got. I'm a chronic over thinker so keeping a handle on my thoughts seemed completely outrageous at first. Realistically speaking if any of us tries not to think about something then that's the exact thing we'll be thinking about, right? So how can we maintain a happy outlook if we keep over thinking issues and past experiences that hurt or made us angry? Well for starters we can face the fact that we can never really control all our thoughts. Monks and skilled yogis study for years and years before they can truly master their mind but for the average person it could seem almost impossible. I'm a huge fan of Deepak Chopra and when reading his New York Times best seller: Reinventing The Body, Resurrecting The Soul, he said something that made me think (not like I need to do anymore thinking). He said that we should never try to suppress any of our thoughts, good, bad or ugly and that if we accept them for what they are, a simple thought, and don't assign them anymore power than necessary they will pass and a new thought will eventually creep its way in. So basically if we let each thought come and go rather then picking at it over and over again then we have a better chance of being happy, for the most part. Some may claim that over thinking leads to better decision making which results in a happier life and more success however studies have shown that over thinkers are more prone to sadness and negative thinking patterns. In fact over thinking may be linked to impaired problem solving and irrational thoughts which can be dangerous for some people. It becomes increasingly harder to focus on the now when you're constantly stuck in the past going over every detail of something you have no control over and the more you go over a situation in your mind the easier it is to foster a pessimistic view and pessimism is a silent but deadly killer. Now a days when I find myself falling back into that old over thinking pattern I try to distract myself with something else and it usually works pretty well but sometimes I have to accept the thought, give myself a time limit and permission to only think about it for that short amount of time. I'm beginning to ask myself more and more if what I'm thinking of will have any affect on my life 6 months from now and if I feel it wont then it doesn't merit anymore thought than that, period.

A Better Me Makes a Better Us

When you think of the perfect mate what do you see? Do they have a certain look to them are they super smart or terribly funny? Are they strong and dominant or gentle and soft hearted? The reason I ask these questions is because what we look for in a potential mate are sometimes the qualities we may subconsciously feel we’re lacking ourselves. There’s a reason they say opposites attract, they do! It’s not uncommon for an extremely shy girl to be attracted to an out going and popular guy or for a quiet and timid man to be attracted to a strong domineering woman. Humans are as afraid as we are intrigued by the unknown and so it makes perfect sense that we sometimes find ourselves drawn to people we seem to have absolutely nothing in common with or who could potentially be the exact opposite of us. It’s also pretty safe to say that when looking for a mate we’re looking to find someone who completes us so having someone who shines in the departments we may be lacking in could possibly create a beautiful balance as we each bring our best qualities to the table. However it can also prove to be damaging in some cases. Sometimes it’s not a beautiful balance at all but rather a power struggle or an abusive situation where one partner is controlling or manipulating the other. A super shy girl should not go for a boisterous ladies man because she’ll never stand a chance when competing for his time and affection and a super dominant woman should stay away from men who are very passive and submissive because eventually she will lose her respect for him and turn into his boss or mother rather than the love of his life. It’s important to take the time to discover what type of person you are so that you’re able to tell which people would best suite you. This saves much time and energy and may lessen the chances of a broken heart. If you’re already in a relationship then take a look at what it is you’re bringing to the table and figure out if you and your love are truly balanced or just going through the relationship motions. Start by writing down the qualities you admire about yourself then write down the qualities you hope to find in a mate or wish your current mate had or are happy that your mate has. Compare the two lists and see how many match and how many are actually inner void fillers. If you have more void fillers than matches then you basically wrote yourself a list of the things you may need to work on. Of course it is magical meeting someone who makes you feel whole but any healthy relationship consists of two equally whole parts so taking the time to discover what you need and need to work on is a major factor in being the perfect counterpart you were meant to be. Once you have your first list of things to work on go out and research. Find books or news paper articles on the subjects. Utilize the internet. Ask other people how they cope with the same issues. The point here is to be completely honest with yourself about the areas you need work on. I myself struggled with anger for many, many years and it was my desire to break old habits that lead me to continue researching about other areas I felt I needed to work on and that ultimately brought me to write this blog so you never know how beneficial it may be for you to take a good long look at yourself and to start finding ways to becoming a better you. 

Anger Management

This topic is near and dear to my heart since it’s the main reason I began working on myself in the first place and it opened so many different doors to all the growth potential I hadn’t noticed before. Anger is something that just like stress can take over your life and is a toxic way of being. There are different types of Temper Disorders: Temper Deregulation, Aggression and Road Rage are all considered temper disorders. The basis is that each of these acts displays a lack of self control. There are many different reasons why someone may be suffering from an anger disorder so the first step is to get to the root of the anger so you can begin to let it go. Without realizing we sometimes become so angry and infuriated that we end up really hurting the people we love. Granted the person may have pissed you off but at times you may be blowing minor things out of proportion or taking your anger way too far. The key is to figure out which problems warrant an uncontrollable outburst and which do not. I know from personal experience that some people and some issues make it extremely hard to keep a lid on my temper but I also know first hand that it can be done. The trick I’ve used is to ask myself BEFORE I freak out what exactly I stand to gain by losing my cool. If getting angry, swearing and hurting people’s feelings is what I’m looking to gain then hell really hath no fury but for the most part I end up realizing the situation or person isn’t worth upsetting myself over and I can just leave it alone or walk away. You begin to feel in control not only of yourself but of what’s happening around you too because you’re not worried about the actions of others but rather yours and yours alone. We all have the right to get angry and sometimes things will be done to us that we may feel are unfair but we should always remember that no one can bring us to an uncontrollable state of anger without first our consent. I have seen some folks face unimaginable wrongs done to them and they were able to chalk it up to a bad experience and move on without breaking a sweat (or a face) and I’ve seen some go completely bonkers over the littlest things most wouldn’t even penetrate. The point is that anger IS controllable you just have to become consciously aware of how you respond to people and situations. Here are some anger management tricks you can try

Give yourself permission to get angry

Concentrate on your breathing and begin to visualize peace within you

Learn to forgive and forget

Accept people for who they are

Listen to relaxing music or meditate

Think of the consequences of your angry responses

If you’re spiritual pray

If you’re facing a problem and feel yourself growing angrier and angrier the first thought should be to remove yourself from the situation so you can immediately begin to use your tips to try and relax and apply controlled judgment to figure out if it’s even something worth upsetting yourself over. 

Busting Stress

It goes without saying that stress is something we’ve all had to deal with. The thing is that even though life throws many challenges our way and things seem to change so suddenly allowing yourself to become stressed out will only make the problems seem bigger and harder to cope with. Stress can turn into depression in the blink of an eye so it’s important to keep a handle on the things you allow your’ self to get upset over. Not every argument is a means to an end. Not every obstacle is impossible to over come. Not every person you meet is going to hurt you. Yes you will worry sometimes, that’s a given however if you choose to let those worries consume you then you’re in the beginning stages of completely stressing yourself out. No one on earth has the power to stress you out it’s all in YOUR head. There is a saying: mind over matter meaning if YOU don’t mind then IT doesn’t matter. If you let things get to you then guess what, they will get to you but if you chose to rise above petty problems and save your energy for better things like fixing them instead of dwelling on them then you’re already alleviating a huge amount of stress and tension from your mind and body. Stress comes from the resistance to change and adapt to things happening around you so embrace the fact that things can, will and always do change. That’s the natural way of life and it’s what makes the world go round so begin telling yourself change is not only good but necessary to the advancement of mankind. We all become frustrated when we cannot control certain situations but by adopting the attitude that if you can’t change something, change yourself you begin to see that these uncontrollable situations you fret can and will begin to work themselves out. Every one of us will have stressful days and moments the key is being able to recognize which arguments or issues are worth becoming stressed over and which can be left alone to sort out on their own. Going into any relationship you should have a good handle on your stress levels because those you interact with will eventually do something that can potentially lead to you feeling stressed. Once you’ve allowed said stress to take over you’ll see that it causes a trickle down effect on all the other relationships you have in your everyday life. The point is not to let your worries control your life. You might want to try these few tips to help you along the way.  

·        Make a list of what stresses you most then eliminate anything you know you CANNOT change

·        Accentuate the positive and remove the negative

·        Smile

·        Keep perspective

·        Pick up a new and exciting hobby

·        Talk to a close friend

·        Try seeing a therapist

·        Tell yourself everything is going to be just fine, and believe it

Procrastination is another way people tend to stress themselves out. Its something I have a personal struggle with everyday but if you’re leaving things to get done until the last minute then you’re running the risk of either having more stuff to deal with when you finally come around to it or just not getting it done at all. Stress is attributed to so many other health issues that it only makes sense we try to learn ways to stop it dead in its tracks before it gets out of control. Stress is also closely tied in to anger as well. People who have an angrier disposition tend to find more reasons for stress so having a firm grip on your temper can be very beneficial when dealing with stressful situations.

Keeping Positive

Keeping a good self image may be tough at times but keeping a positive attitude can seem even tougher however having a positive aspect on life is not only soothing for your soul but it makes you extra appealing to the people around you. Men are attracted to women who seem happy all together and women are drawn to men who have pleasant and sunny dispositions. No one wants to adopt the burden of having to bring joy into someone else’s life so if you have a cold, pessimistic demeanor then you’re turning people off before you even have the chance to turn them on. Being flexible and adapting easily to change improves your mental state drastically. If you’re giving off a negative vibe or find yourself constantly whining and complaining then you may be the cause of your failed relationships because you’re making it very hard for others to see a happy future with you since you’re clearly so unhappy in the present. However, after mastering your self confidence having a positive attitude wont be all that hard because you’ll already have one reason to be happy, you! It’s important to keep that positive aura around you and to remember it not only benefits you as a partner, friend or family member but it benefits your all around well being. Practicing positive living is to some, a spiritual quest to their greater self. It’s said that by living a happy and content life now you may decrease your risk of many diseases in the future and from experience I can say that life on the half full side is so much more fulfilling then life over on half empty lane was. Adopting a positive outlook on life can and will only make positive changes and since like attracts like then you’ll most likely start to attract a plethora of positive people to you as well! Here are a few tips on how to stay positive even when things seem to be going wrong:

·        Fill your mind with happy thoughts and memories

·        Keep positive people around you

·        Read positive and uplifting materials

·        Be thankful and say thank you often

·        Be flexible

·        Learn to trust yourself

·        Remember to live and let live

·        Focus on or help others

It’s important to remember that everyday won’t be perfect. Things will happen that you weren’t prepared for and people will get on your nerves and piss you off but tomorrow is always another day. A new day means a new chance to make things right. Be nice to yourself, love yourself and have patience.