You are a soul. You have a body

I always enjoyed the show I Survived but recently I was lucky enough to catch another show by the same creators called I Survived: Beyond and Back. I'll admit that it's my new obsession cuz I truly can't get enough of it! It tells the story of 3 people (usually 3) who have had a near death experience. Their hearts have stopped for either a short or surprisingly long amount of time and they all came back to life with memories of what took place while they were, for lack of a better word, dead. It was amazing to hear each persons recollection since they shared so many similarities. Having been met by a loved one who had passed before them or by what they say was an angel or even God himself. Being engulfed in a superior white/yellowish light, having no sense of time or any of their daily responsibilities and having a wave of calm and peace running through them. They all experienced a feeling of being loved and welcomed as if they were returning home from an extended holiday and they all claimed to have felt rejected and hurt when they were told they had to return to their bodies, not wanting to leave this very special place. It sparked such a huge interest in me that I started looking up other stories on the internet and much to my surprise there were hundreds if not thousands of other people who were claiming to have gone through almost the same exact thing. But who or what went through these experiences if the person lay dead with no heart beat? I've always feared dying because I always wondered what was going to happen after my body took its last breath. I knew we all had to die at some point but I just couldn't accept that my inner voice, the voice of reason, compassion and joy would be silent forever. Where would all my thoughts go? And what about all the people I love so dearly? Where would all that love for them go? But after watching and reading those stories I began to feel at ease with the whole process of dying and leaving behind my physical self. I started to feel that I, like the people in the stories and the rest of mankind are in a sense immortal. That always present voice inside that fills us with laughter and joy, tells us to help our fellow neighbor and to give thanks isn't a voice at all, its our soul. Being religious has nothing to do with it, period. We all posses a soul, whether given to us by God or the universe itself I cannot say but I know whether we believe in it or not its there working to keep us on the right path. Our human life is not reality. Its our souls journey in a physical form and once we've completed our task we will be called home. What we idolize here on earth, money, status, power and so on are all distractions from our true purpose. The main thing all those who'd passed and came back had in common were the feelings of love, peace and joy while "in the light" and those feelings wouldn't be possible without a soul. Its a sign, at least to me anyway, that what we have inside of us is much more real and valuable than anything we could possibly posses in material form. Our true power comes from our soul. Its what gives us our strength to carry on even when everything seems to be falling apart. Its what gives us the faith to fall asleep each night even though there's no guarantee that we'll wake up in the morning. Its our own personal navigation system telling us which choices to make along the way. Of course part of life's beauty is the ability to make choices for ourselves since the soul can only do so much. But many times we say "I knew I shouldn't have" or "The voice inside told me not to" yet we made the choice to do it anyway, ignoring our souls direction. Instead of blocking out the voice we should be embracing it since our souls main purpose is to guide us towards ultimate peace and happiness, freeing us from our earthly mundane existence. Our soul is the sum total of who we are, past, present and future. In the words of  C.S. Lewis - "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body".

Living in Abundance

If you're anything like me then you have big dreams of hitting the lotto and striking it rich one day but what if all that we want and desire is right here in front of our faces? No winning numbers or big checks with multiple 0's just a life with less wants and more haves. Is it impossible to feel abundant when we constantly struggle with paying bills making sacrifice after sacrifice just to get by?
One day I asked myself a question: Why do you want to win the lottery? And of course the obvious reasons came to mind first, financial freedom, being able to help my friends and family and having enough to donate on a more regular basis, however the more I sat with the question the more answers started to flood my mind. I want to be powerful, a voice people will listen to. I want to make a difference. I want to be loved and admired. I want to prove to the world that I am capable of doing things some said I never would. Then I realized something; majority of the things I wanted didn't require my winning the lottery at all. In fact NONE of them did! I could start to work on every single thing on that list right now and I would probably accomplish most, if not all, a hell of a lot sooner than I might waiting around to win the lottery. Now don't get me wrong I still play every week and continue to trust that the universe is doing what it can to bring my dreams into reality but instead of idly sitting on the side lines I can put myself to work and begin to manifest those desires now.  I let go of the ever present and always harmful ego and told myself that if I made an effort to make a difference than the true power would lie in being able to help even one person in the world. I thought about my family and friends and how much I love them and they me and I saw I didn't need to have millions of dollars to be able to appreciate and help them if they needed me now. I told myself that even though I might not be rich I can still donate not only a few bucks but some of my spare time to the less fortunate. I kept reminding myself that seeking the approval of others, in any form, was just another way to feed my own ego so whether or not those who doubted me saw me in another light was completely irrelevant to my purpose. Once I narrowed it all down I saw I had so much to be thankful for in the present moment! A steady job with good pay and great benefits, a lovely apartment for myself and daughter to call home, people who care and love me unconditionally and an abundance of other things that I'd normally be taking for granted. Life in itself is a reason to feel abundant. The air we breath, the sun we bask in, the fresh foods we eat and the water we quench our thirsts and clean ourselves with are all blessings provided by the universe. These are things to be grateful for because without any of those we would have no life. We don't need money to be alive, plenty of people live long lives in poverty stricken countries and even on our own streets with barely anything to call theirs yet they are still here, alive and breathing. I'd read The Secret so I had already been on a mission to keep positive thoughts and be thankful for a little while but I never really noticed all the amazing things I could be thanking God for. I can honestly say that as I focused on all my haves rather than my have not's it made a huge difference in my life financially, emotionally, mentally and physically. I always have enough to pay my bills and to buy the things I need with extra to do other things like go away or go to a party with my girls. I have much greater relationships with those I hold near and dear to my heart. I'm able to accept that sometimes I can't get everything I want. And I take better care of myself and body now that I have a higher appreciation for my health. I feel as if I have everything I could ever want on a daily basis and when anything extra happens to come my way its just another reason to be grateful. So what makes a life of abundance? I say a life of gratitude.

So Many Thoughts, Such Little Time

As an over thinker I sometimes find it really hard not to focus on the things and people that make me upset. When I started trying to live a more positive life I thought the trick was to suppress all the negative thoughts I had but the more I tried the harder it got. I'm a chronic over thinker so keeping a handle on my thoughts seemed completely outrageous at first. Realistically speaking if any of us tries not to think about something then that's the exact thing we'll be thinking about, right? So how can we maintain a happy outlook if we keep over thinking issues and past experiences that hurt or made us angry? Well for starters we can face the fact that we can never really control all our thoughts. Monks and skilled yogis study for years and years before they can truly master their mind but for the average person it could seem almost impossible. I'm a huge fan of Deepak Chopra and when reading his New York Times best seller: Reinventing The Body, Resurrecting The Soul, he said something that made me think (not like I need to do anymore thinking). He said that we should never try to suppress any of our thoughts, good, bad or ugly and that if we accept them for what they are, a simple thought, and don't assign them anymore power than necessary they will pass and a new thought will eventually creep its way in. So basically if we let each thought come and go rather then picking at it over and over again then we have a better chance of being happy, for the most part. Some may claim that over thinking leads to better decision making which results in a happier life and more success however studies have shown that over thinkers are more prone to sadness and negative thinking patterns. In fact over thinking may be linked to impaired problem solving and irrational thoughts which can be dangerous for some people. It becomes increasingly harder to focus on the now when you're constantly stuck in the past going over every detail of something you have no control over and the more you go over a situation in your mind the easier it is to foster a pessimistic view and pessimism is a silent but deadly killer. Now a days when I find myself falling back into that old over thinking pattern I try to distract myself with something else and it usually works pretty well but sometimes I have to accept the thought, give myself a time limit and permission to only think about it for that short amount of time. I'm beginning to ask myself more and more if what I'm thinking of will have any affect on my life 6 months from now and if I feel it wont then it doesn't merit anymore thought than that, period.

A Better Me Makes a Better Us

When you think of the perfect mate what do you see? Do they have a certain look to them are they super smart or terribly funny? Are they strong and dominant or gentle and soft hearted? The reason I ask these questions is because what we look for in a potential mate are sometimes the qualities we may subconsciously feel we’re lacking ourselves. There’s a reason they say opposites attract, they do! It’s not uncommon for an extremely shy girl to be attracted to an out going and popular guy or for a quiet and timid man to be attracted to a strong domineering woman. Humans are as afraid as we are intrigued by the unknown and so it makes perfect sense that we sometimes find ourselves drawn to people we seem to have absolutely nothing in common with or who could potentially be the exact opposite of us. It’s also pretty safe to say that when looking for a mate we’re looking to find someone who completes us so having someone who shines in the departments we may be lacking in could possibly create a beautiful balance as we each bring our best qualities to the table. However it can also prove to be damaging in some cases. Sometimes it’s not a beautiful balance at all but rather a power struggle or an abusive situation where one partner is controlling or manipulating the other. A super shy girl should not go for a boisterous ladies man because she’ll never stand a chance when competing for his time and affection and a super dominant woman should stay away from men who are very passive and submissive because eventually she will lose her respect for him and turn into his boss or mother rather than the love of his life. It’s important to take the time to discover what type of person you are so that you’re able to tell which people would best suite you. This saves much time and energy and may lessen the chances of a broken heart. If you’re already in a relationship then take a look at what it is you’re bringing to the table and figure out if you and your love are truly balanced or just going through the relationship motions. Start by writing down the qualities you admire about yourself then write down the qualities you hope to find in a mate or wish your current mate had or are happy that your mate has. Compare the two lists and see how many match and how many are actually inner void fillers. If you have more void fillers than matches then you basically wrote yourself a list of the things you may need to work on. Of course it is magical meeting someone who makes you feel whole but any healthy relationship consists of two equally whole parts so taking the time to discover what you need and need to work on is a major factor in being the perfect counterpart you were meant to be. Once you have your first list of things to work on go out and research. Find books or news paper articles on the subjects. Utilize the internet. Ask other people how they cope with the same issues. The point here is to be completely honest with yourself about the areas you need work on. I myself struggled with anger for many, many years and it was my desire to break old habits that lead me to continue researching about other areas I felt I needed to work on and that ultimately brought me to write this blog so you never know how beneficial it may be for you to take a good long look at yourself and to start finding ways to becoming a better you. 

Beating The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy has been the cause of many a bad break up, heated arguments and a whole lot of restraining orders but you don’t have to fall victim to its curse. Jealousy and anger are emotional reactions to scenarios you’ve actually created in your own mind. Once you become aware of that it’s easier to control your jealous thoughts and you begin to see that what you may have thought was going on is not at all. Although there are times when your jealousy may be understandable learning how to cope with it will make the situation a lot easier since jealousy and anger are never healthy ways of getting what you want. Once you’re in a fit of jealousy though, trying to change those emotions will be like trying to walk through a brick wall, not gonna happen, but if you can learn to stop the jealous emotions from taking over then you’re well on your way to being the confident person you can and should be. In a relationship you’re bound to find a reason or 2 or 37 to get jealous and that’s normal. But ask yourself if you believe your partner is truly capable of doing such things or if it’s a source of your own insecurities? If you find that you’re letting your jealousy control your relationship then you may need to look at where you stand self esteem wise. Often we become jealous of people we feel are better than us in some way. Its human nature to be competitive but you shouldn’t feel the need to compete with every other woman or man your partner may come in contact with. You have to have faith in your mate and your relationship so that you don’t allow jealous thoughts to creep in and capture all the good feelings you have about them. When you display fits of unwarranted jealousy you look crazy since your bf or gf hasn't done anything wrong yet here you are frantically crying or blaming them for things that only took place in your mind. You have to understand that what you’re upset at is not your partner or the potential threat. What you’re experiencing is fear. The fear of losing your partner can be so overwhelming that you lose sight of the fact that they aren’t going anywhere. They love and chose you of all people so you should feel proud when another woman or man gives them an eye or tries to get their number because they are yours and yours alone. If you still feel your jealousy getting out of control try these few tips below

·        Acknowledge the jealousy

·        Ask yourself if its due to your own beliefs or your mates actions

·        Recognize the core fear of the jealousy

·        Value the priceless act of trusting someone

·        Face your own insecurities

·        Focus on your own qualities

·        Don’t compare yourself to others

·        Practice

If your partner has been unfaithful in the past then you may have a much harder time controlling your jealous tendencies however if you’ve chosen to forgive them and move on then please, forgive them and move on. You cannot take someone back to keep punishing them for a mistake they made in the past and if they’ve proven they’re sorry and working towards gaining your trust back then give them the benefit of the doubt. If they’re displaying untrustworthy behavior then you may need to end the relationship and save your valued trust for someone more worthy. The bottom line is if you can’t trust them you do not need to be with them because everyone wants a partner who has faith in them. It makes us feel better about ourselves and our relationships. 

Anger Management

This topic is near and dear to my heart since it’s the main reason I began working on myself in the first place and it opened so many different doors to all the growth potential I hadn’t noticed before. Anger is something that just like stress can take over your life and is a toxic way of being. There are different types of Temper Disorders: Temper Deregulation, Aggression and Road Rage are all considered temper disorders. The basis is that each of these acts displays a lack of self control. There are many different reasons why someone may be suffering from an anger disorder so the first step is to get to the root of the anger so you can begin to let it go. Without realizing we sometimes become so angry and infuriated that we end up really hurting the people we love. Granted the person may have pissed you off but at times you may be blowing minor things out of proportion or taking your anger way too far. The key is to figure out which problems warrant an uncontrollable outburst and which do not. I know from personal experience that some people and some issues make it extremely hard to keep a lid on my temper but I also know first hand that it can be done. The trick I’ve used is to ask myself BEFORE I freak out what exactly I stand to gain by losing my cool. If getting angry, swearing and hurting people’s feelings is what I’m looking to gain then hell really hath no fury but for the most part I end up realizing the situation or person isn’t worth upsetting myself over and I can just leave it alone or walk away. You begin to feel in control not only of yourself but of what’s happening around you too because you’re not worried about the actions of others but rather yours and yours alone. We all have the right to get angry and sometimes things will be done to us that we may feel are unfair but we should always remember that no one can bring us to an uncontrollable state of anger without first our consent. I have seen some folks face unimaginable wrongs done to them and they were able to chalk it up to a bad experience and move on without breaking a sweat (or a face) and I’ve seen some go completely bonkers over the littlest things most wouldn’t even penetrate. The point is that anger IS controllable you just have to become consciously aware of how you respond to people and situations. Here are some anger management tricks you can try

Give yourself permission to get angry

Concentrate on your breathing and begin to visualize peace within you

Learn to forgive and forget

Accept people for who they are

Listen to relaxing music or meditate

Think of the consequences of your angry responses

If you’re spiritual pray

If you’re facing a problem and feel yourself growing angrier and angrier the first thought should be to remove yourself from the situation so you can immediately begin to use your tips to try and relax and apply controlled judgment to figure out if it’s even something worth upsetting yourself over. 

Busting Stress

It goes without saying that stress is something we’ve all had to deal with. The thing is that even though life throws many challenges our way and things seem to change so suddenly allowing yourself to become stressed out will only make the problems seem bigger and harder to cope with. Stress can turn into depression in the blink of an eye so it’s important to keep a handle on the things you allow your’ self to get upset over. Not every argument is a means to an end. Not every obstacle is impossible to over come. Not every person you meet is going to hurt you. Yes you will worry sometimes, that’s a given however if you choose to let those worries consume you then you’re in the beginning stages of completely stressing yourself out. No one on earth has the power to stress you out it’s all in YOUR head. There is a saying: mind over matter meaning if YOU don’t mind then IT doesn’t matter. If you let things get to you then guess what, they will get to you but if you chose to rise above petty problems and save your energy for better things like fixing them instead of dwelling on them then you’re already alleviating a huge amount of stress and tension from your mind and body. Stress comes from the resistance to change and adapt to things happening around you so embrace the fact that things can, will and always do change. That’s the natural way of life and it’s what makes the world go round so begin telling yourself change is not only good but necessary to the advancement of mankind. We all become frustrated when we cannot control certain situations but by adopting the attitude that if you can’t change something, change yourself you begin to see that these uncontrollable situations you fret can and will begin to work themselves out. Every one of us will have stressful days and moments the key is being able to recognize which arguments or issues are worth becoming stressed over and which can be left alone to sort out on their own. Going into any relationship you should have a good handle on your stress levels because those you interact with will eventually do something that can potentially lead to you feeling stressed. Once you’ve allowed said stress to take over you’ll see that it causes a trickle down effect on all the other relationships you have in your everyday life. The point is not to let your worries control your life. You might want to try these few tips to help you along the way.  

·        Make a list of what stresses you most then eliminate anything you know you CANNOT change

·        Accentuate the positive and remove the negative

·        Smile

·        Keep perspective

·        Pick up a new and exciting hobby

·        Talk to a close friend

·        Try seeing a therapist

·        Tell yourself everything is going to be just fine, and believe it

Procrastination is another way people tend to stress themselves out. Its something I have a personal struggle with everyday but if you’re leaving things to get done until the last minute then you’re running the risk of either having more stuff to deal with when you finally come around to it or just not getting it done at all. Stress is attributed to so many other health issues that it only makes sense we try to learn ways to stop it dead in its tracks before it gets out of control. Stress is also closely tied in to anger as well. People who have an angrier disposition tend to find more reasons for stress so having a firm grip on your temper can be very beneficial when dealing with stressful situations.